Finding out that a partner has cheated can be an emotionally traumatic time, as you try to wrap your mind around the fact that someone you had faith in betrayed your trust. Everyone has different feelings about therapy. Some do not believe in seeking counseling, due to cultural or religious beliefs. However, many couples get help from a couples counselor for counseling, like counseling in Palatine, IL from Lotus Wellness Center, regarding infidelity because of just how painful the experience can be. With such strong emotions flowing, it can be hard to think clearly.

Can my partner and I work through infidelity together without a therapist?

Yes, you and your partner can try to recover from an incident of infidelity on your own. There is nothing that says you must get help from a couples counselor. But, recruiting support from a therapist can provide several benefits. The therapist can provide a safe and private place for you both to discuss the infidelity, and help guide difficult conversations. There is often so much emotion between the two partners after an incident of infidelity, that sometimes discussing the matter alone without a therapist may result in only increased tension and stress.

How can my partner and I reach a place of healing after infidelity?

Working through infidelity can be very challenging, but is not impossible. There are three stages that you and your partner may go through before healing can happen. Keep in mind that during this time, recovery is likely to be a lengthy journey. The couple may have to grieve the old relationship they once knew, and then create an entirely new one. There isn’t an exact timeline for how soon the couple can begin to heal, but it can help if both partners are:

  • Willing to talk about deeply rooted issues that may have contributed to the infidelity
  • Committed to seeing the relationship through for the long-term
  • Open to talking about the infidelity incident and taking responsibility for their actions
  • Dedicated to the process and open to learning new skills so their relationship can heal 

What are the three stages of recovering from infidelity?

Through therapy for infidelity, the couple can slowly build and grow a truer bond. The partner who committed the infidelity should anticipate their partner needing time to trust them once again. The betrayer must be willing to be open with their emails, phone calls, text messages, and where they are on a daily basis if their partners need them to do so. The process of overcoming infidelity in a relationship can vary, but there are a few stages that most couples tend to go through:

  1. Shock and Trauma Phase: after the infidelity is discovered, the partner who was betrayed is likely to experience shock, anger, vengefulness, devastation, and hopelessness. They may also feel loss and grief of the relationship. 
  2. Addressing Why It Happened: a therapist can help the couple identify the root problems as to why the infidelity occurred. This process can provide closure about the incident itself. 
  3. Accountability, Action, and Healing: the true work begins after the emotions have calmed down and now the couple must make changes in order to salvage their relationship. 

For more information, reach out to your local counselor.